


Washed In Black

by LannaLlamas



Category: Pearl Jam, Soundgarden (Band)
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, kinda slow burn, trying to keep it realistic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-07 00:56:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18227744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LannaLlamas/pseuds/LannaLlamas
Summary: Love is a strong word. Chris Cornell knows this, the word has ruined his life before and he had almost given up on love... until Jeff and Stone's new singer arrives in town. Cheddie fic. Dual uploaded on Wattpad.





	1. Last Dance With Mary Jane

**Eddie's POV**

Jeff is driving us somewhere, but he's reluctant to tell me exactly where. I'm getting more familiar with this city, so it seems like we're heading over to Stone's place. I'm not sure though, some streets look the same here. I just want to get back to the studio, all these lyrics just came to my mind. I wander in the memory of yesterday, where we were all jamming, basically going with the flow. I just came up with the perfect lyrics for it, something relating to death. A familiar death. No, no, I can't sing about that, I thought to myself.

  
"So," Jeff tried to get my attention but I'm too busy reciting lyrics in my head to listen fully, "Stone's havin' a little get together, yknow, a couple of good friends of mine are gonna be there."

  
Jeff doesn't even turn to say this to my face, he knows I'm not really a fan of those sort of things. I snap out of it now, a scowl twists its way on my face. Jeff was still locked on the road. I could already feel the anxiety beginning to bubble beneath my skin. I'm not a very social person, Jeff knew this, but I trusted him. I knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

  
"What? Why don't we just—" I reply curtly, but my mind is moving too fast for my mouth. I couldn't really form enough coherent words at the time, "We should just— go back to the studio. We only have a couple more songs and then we can— just—" I try to persuade him out of this, but he's not buying.

  
"Nope, not takin' no for an answer. You're already in the car, we're almost there."

  
In fact, Jeff's pulling into a parking space as he's talking to me. He gives me a weird look, like he knows I'm not enjoying this. Not yet, at least. He knows I hate all this attention just because I'm Andy's "replacement", that's what that Layne character called me when he didn't think I was listening (Though Jeff and Stone insisted I was  _not_ ). My face goes pale as Jeff stops the engine, I really don't want to do this. I'm too shy, too anxious, too...  _weird_  for this city, for these people, for his friends. Jeff unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car, I follow, despite my anxiety telling me to stay put. I'm still deep in thought, anxiety caused me to overthink everything that's going to happen here.

  
"It won't be bad, I promise," He gives me a half smile while opening the door to the apartment building, "I just want you to meet some friends, remember that new band I was talkin' about? We're gonna discuss that, really."

  
Jeff leads me to the elevator, letting me in the lift first. He must know I'm anxious because he's acting weird around me. Babying me. I don't like this, but I follow him, still. I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket, my heartbeat gets steadily faster the closer we get to the building. Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of this. Jeff hits the button on his keys to lock the vehicle.

  
"What band?" I blurt out, not really paying attention. My anxiety is getting the best of me, so I can't think correctly. We entered the lobby, it was pretty shoddy, all things considering. I still followed closely behind Jeff.

 

  
"Temple of the Dog." Jeff answered quickly while pressing the button for the eleventh floor.  
It all clicks now, Stone and Jeff were trying to coerce me to sing a song for that band. They had another singer who ran the show, but they wanted me to sing on just one song. I agreed a while back, that I was clear of. I think they were talking about it being a tribute to Andy.

  
"So are we meeting the other singer?" I ask, furrowing my brow.

  
"Yea. He's nice, I promise. I think you and him will get along nicely. His name's Chris."

  
Chris, I repeat in my head. It was so familiar, yet so distant. Maybe Stone said something about him, I'm not sure. Or was he in another band? I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm sure I know this guy. Jeff sees me contemplating and shoots me a look, as if he was asking if I were alright. I half-smile at him, letting him know I'm all good.

  
"Well, I can't wait to meet him." My words seem vague and Jeff catches wind of it.

  
It doesn't matter, the elevator dings as we hit our floor. Jeff leads, going to the door that seemed old and worn. I was close behind him, my heart was racing now.  _Damn you, anxiety._  I could hear people laughing and talking amongst themselves, it got me worrying again. Was there a lot of people? What has Jeff gotten me into?I shake it off as Stone greets us at the door. He gives us a cocky smirk, like usual, and lets us in. It reeks of booze, but that's no surprise, all these people drink and smoke their problems away. I saw a bong on the table when we came in, too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Jeff taps my shoulder and I turn to face him, he's smiling and hands me a drink. It's some cheap beer, but I take it no less.

  
"Go around and socialize, dude," Jeff says, nudging me away from him, "I'll be here if ya need me."

  
He turns me around, facing the crowd of people. Everyone seemed to be shooting me odd glances, I could feel my cheeks getting hot with embarrassment. I shake off the feeling as best as I could, opening my bottle of beer. I glance around the room, Mike is waving me down over near the coffee table that sat near the far right wall. I make my way other there, but I have to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. It was uncomfortable here, and I knew I looked like an idiot. Or a dumbass. Both, probably.  _No, no, that's just my anxiety getting the best of me._

  
"Hey, Ed!" Mike greets, he's hammered though. Or high. Probably both. He stunk of  _something_.

  
"Hey, Mike." My tone is hushed again. I didn't even notice the large hunk of a man standing next to us.

  
"I want you to meet," Mike motions up towards the dark curly haired man, "Chris!"

  
He's huge. I mean, bigger than  _I_  am. His soft blue eyes study me, I can tell. I'm sure he knows I'm doing the same. I'm looking over his features, his  _pretty_  blue eyes, curly locks, but most importantly I'm just in awe at the sheer size of this dude. He was obviously the tallest here. It made me uncomfortable as he stared down at me. I'd need a stool to look him eye to eye.

  
"I heard so much about you," He greets me finally, "I'm Chris."

  
He offers me his hand to shake, but I just stare. Too many thoughts rushed through my head, I couldn't respond back to him. It was like my brain worked itself so hard, that it couldn't even function. So, I just stand there and stare. Chris looks uncomfortable, so does Mike. I feel like I'm done for, I've already screwed this up. My cheeks grew hot with shame.

  
"Eddie, I think you had too much to drink," I turn to the voice addressing me. It's Jeff, he's come to save my ass on this one, "Sorry, Chris, he's just a little hammered, yknow? Why don't we go get ya some water, Ed?"

  
Jeff motions me to join him, I play along. He wraps his shoulder around me to further strengthen this act.

 

"Why did you do that?" I whisper to him.

  
"You looked like you were in a jam." He replies, stopping the two of us at the cooler full of drinks. He hands me a Pepsi and takes my beer.

 

"You need to chill, Eddie." Jeff tells me.

  
"I'm trying." That's all I can say. I knew I just embarrassed myself.

  
"It's okay, I'm sure they understand. But you need to go talk to him. You guys have a lot in common."

  
I look over my shoulder to see where Mike and Chris were. Chris looked stressed, he continued to talk to Mike. Jeff shuffled some things behind me, as he was making a big racket. He tapped my shoulder again, to get my attention. I'm met with a devilish smirk, he's holding a fucking marijuana pipe. I shoot him a glare, to tell him 'Are you fucking crazy?'.

  
"Take a hit of this and I'm sure you'll be chill. You and Chris will be friends in no time."

  
"Uh—" I took a moment to think. Of course weed helps, but is now the best time? My first interaction with Chris while fucking  _stoned_?

  
"Wouldn't that be weird?" I ask skeptically.

  
"Not at all, I'm sure everyone here is a little high. Just take the peace pipe." He chuckles, handing me the hash pipe.

  
It was already filled with some bud. It had a marble texture, but a tortoise shell coloring.  _Jeff, you sneaky son of a bitch_ , I thought to myself before putting the pipe to my lips. Jeff snickers to himself as he lights me up, he'd probably planned this somehow. I inhaled as much as my lungs could handle, keeping it in before blowing all the smoke out. Jeff's still standing there, smirking at me.

  
"You feel better?" He teases, but I don't feel as anxious anymore.

  
"Yeah," I squint at him, not like I can help it, really, "Thanks, Jeff."

  
"Anytime, Ed. Now go back over there. We don't have all day."

  
I give him a nod as I turn around. I definitely feel a lot better. Everyone seems more inviting now. I walk up to Chris and Mike, both still engaged in conversation.

  
"Welcome back," Mike almost teased me, "Saw you gettin' some Mary Jane."

  
Us three laughed together, it was as if I never made a fool of myself. It felt nice, actually. I smiled all giddily at the two.

 

"Yeah, just needed a puff." I responded.

  
"Are you feeling better?" Chris asks me, I look up at him, he's still towering over me, but I'm not afraid anymore.

  
"Mhm," I nod, "Sorry— about all that." I still feel a little shame at what happened a few minutes ago.

  
"It's all good," He smiles at me again, it makes me squirm in my clothes. I don't know why, but he just has that effect on me.

  
"My name's Eddie, by the way..." I looked down at my feet, the anxiety starting to come back and bite me.

  
Chris must've known I was anxious. He put a hand on my shoulder, causing me to look at him again. When I looked up, Mike was gone. He went over to talk to Jeff and Stone, those turds.

  
"I can tell you're on edge," He speaks softly, "How about tomorrow you and I head down to the beach?"

  
My brow furrows again, did Jeff tell him something? The feelings disappear, I look at Chris confidently, giving him a warm grin.

  
"I'd like that." That's all I can say in response, the drug really taking effect now. My head felt light and it took a decent amount of energy to keep from stumbling. My legs were weak, the world swayed beneath them, as if it were moving on without me. Chris sees me squinting more and gives a snicker.

  
"Earth to Eddie," He says. Had he been talking to me? Did I zone out? I shake my head, wallowing in my own state of mind. "You okay? You looked like you might've taken a little too much."

  
His voice is so soothing. I could just stay here forever and listen to him ramble, but I know I can't. I hadn't realized he was still waiting for an answer, I was too inebriated that I completely forgot to respond. I couldn't help but laugh at the situation, Chris joining in.

  
"Yeah, I'm--- I'm good!" We're both laughing again, "What-- What're you saying?"

  
I know now that I must really look baked, Chris laughs every time I move a muscle. I can't help it, but I join him laughing. After about 30 seconds, give or take, we finally get more serious. I try my best to keep from laughing, but sometimes I can't help but let out a giggle.

  
"I said, we should go down to the beach tomorrow." He said soberly.

  
"No, no, I heard that."

  
"Oh-? Then I don't remember." He gives me a dumbass grin and I crack up again.

  
"Wait, no, I remember, I wanted to tell you we-we should go early because it's beautiful in the mornings." He replied to himself, cupping his own cheek in his hand.

  
"That sounds great," My tone is more enthusiastic now, "I'm staying with Jeff, so just use his number if you need to call, t-to let me know when you're coming to get me."

  
"Will do," His attention turns towards his watch, which reads 11:54 PM, "I think I'm going to head home, Ed, It was nice meeting you."

  
Before turning to face the door, he handed me a piece of paper with a phone number written down along with the words 'call me'. I just knew this was Chris's number. I folded it and put it in my pocket. Chris had already said his goodbyes and was out the door. I turned toward Jeff, who was sitting on the couch looking at me.

 

"You ready to go?" He questioned me, as other people began to leave, too.

  
I nodded at him and he pulled himself off the couch. Stone was near the door, Jeff mumbled something to him that I couldn't understand and they both laughed. Those two were weird, I tell you.

  
"It was nice of you to come over, Ed," He says half-heartedly, "Don't be such a drag next time." Jeff laughed at that, but I couldn't help but scowl. We said our goodbyes and headed out the door.

  
"See? Not that bad." Jeff said, nudging me with his elbow as we got in the lift.

 

"Yeah," I replied bluntly, "Chris was nice. He wants to take me to the beach tomorrow."

  
"Really?" Jeff questioned, "That'll be nice, it's real pretty there."

  
I could tell he was either tired or tipsy, as his responses were lame and short. I don't blame him, all that anxiety really fatigued me. I nodded, but he didn't say anything else. The elevator dinged and we both headed out the metal doors, leaving the lobby in no time. We both piled into Jeff's beat up old truck, he started the engine and we headed home. I couldn't get Chris off my mind. He was too sweet, too kind, too cute. God, did I really just think that? Whatever, we're almost home now. I can't wait to meet him again tomorrow, to hear his voice, to see those curly locks again.  _Maybe I'm just too tired to think straight._


	2. Oceans Away

**CHRIS' POV**

Stone let me crash at his place last night, I was too hammered to drive myself back and nobody wanted to take me home. Maybe I should've got a ride with Jeff and Eddie, my place is on the way there. Just to sit next to Eddie again, I'd love that. He was different than the people here, unique in his own way. I smiled to myself as I wandered in the memories of last night. I can still recall it so vividly, despite being drunk off my ass.

_(— Mike called me over as soon as I walked in the door. He was already faded, but at least he was a good kind drunk. He just wanted to have a good time, really, I understood that. He told me he's been going through a lot lately, it was vague but I trusted him. Poor guy. I remember walking over to him and Jerry snuck up behind me and handed me a jigger of booze. He just looked at me and told me "Drink up!" so, I did. It was alright, I guess, I could taste all sorts of shit in it._

_"What was that?" I questioned him._

_"A bomb, dude."_

_"What?" Bomb? Never heard of that shot. I furrowed my brow._

_"Well, a boilermaker, technically. It's basically illegal." He states, taking the empty shot glass from my hand and giving me another. "You'll be hammered here soon."_

_I downed the second jigger, I was definitely already feeling it. I was getting bubbly— No, I definitely passed that after the second shot. Whatever, I turned back to Mike, he's giggling at me, I remember shooting him a glare as to tell him 'What's wrong?'. His face crinkles up as if he's cringing as Jerry hands me yet another shot. I downed it as quick as the last, now the horrid taste was setting in, but I really didn't care. Mike is still giving me weird looks, but it's alright. He does that stupid 'tsk tsk tsk' like I'm some teenage boy getting caught out after curfew. I shoot him another frown, this time telling him 'Shut up.'_

_"You know you shouldn't take drinks from Jerry," He takes my empty shot glass and puts in on the coffee table, "There's no telling what he puts in 'em."_

_"Oh, yeah," I scratch my chin, "Whatever, I'm here to have a good time."_

_Jerry heard that, he lifted up his own shot glass and cheered "I'll drink to that," or something like that. It starts to get blurry around this time, so I can't remember everything that happened. I remember Mike telling me about Eddie, how excited he was to hear him and I sing. We talked about Temple of the Dog for some time, we shared some song ideas we both had. I told him about the new song I'm writing for Ed and I, I don't have a name for it yet, but it's pretty deep. He liked it, that's all I remember, then he turned towards the door. Jeff walked in, a shorter man followed behind him, I assumed it was Eddie. He looked nervous, he shrunk into his jacket each time someone looked at him. I felt bad for the poor dude, being thrown into this whole mess. I made sure not to stare, so I turned and continued my conversation with Mike. Mike, of course, called over Eddie. —)_

My thoughts were cut off as Stone shakes me until I pile off the couch. He has a cup of coffee in his hand, he greedily kicks my feet off the couch and sits down. He doesn't even look at me, but that's typical of him. He's so stern it always makes me think I did something wrong. He points over to the coffee table, signaling me for something. My head is pounding, I can't think straight so I give him a dumbfounded stare. He huffs, bending over to pick up the remote that was right in front of me on the coffee table.

" _Thanks for the help_ ," Stone snickers to himself, turning on the television. It was already on the news station.

"Yeah, anytime," I throw the sarcasm back at him. He snorts in response, but he really doesn't even acknowledge me.

He's too fixed on the TV, everything's a blur to me, so I can't really tell what's going on. I make out a weatherman, but that's it. His words go in one ear and out the other, I blink hard to try and clear my vision and I finally see the forecast.  _Rain_. How surprising, it's going to rain and be cloudy all day.

"Looks like it's gonna rain." Stone says to break the silence, "Are you and Eddie still going?"

What? I'm stupefied again. I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to concentrate. Oh shit. I forgot Eddie and I had plans today. The beach, fuck. Maybe the rain will clear by the time I get to Jeff's place.

"I dunno," I blurt our absentmindedly, "I'll have to call him."

"Well, you should probably do that soon before Jeff takes him somewhere."

"If Jeff's going to take him anywhere, it'll be back here. We  _both_  know that."

"Well... What if they go somewhere else?"

"What— I'm not arguing about this with you. I'll fucking call them."

I can tell Stone rolled his eyes, he crossed his legs as he turned his attention back to the TV My body weight shifts as I pull myself up, a cold sweat hits me instantly. The world sways beneath my feet, my head begins to spin. Fucking hangover. Mike was right, don't fucking take drinks from Jerry. I take a moment to collect myself, holding my head in my hands. I turned around to face Stone, my head is just killing me.

"You have any Tylenol?" I mumbled, my face was pale and I just wanted to crawl into my own bed.

"Check the bathroom." Stone replies, but he doesn't even turn to face me. I don't care, though.

I turn around again, I walk over to the bathroom. It's a struggle, my head throbs with each step, my stomach isn't having it either, my throat is killing me, too. I open the door, looking around the counter. None. I check the drawers, but all I can find is NyQuil and prescription cough medicine. I scoff to myself, what does Stone need with this? I brush it off and search the other drawer. Bingo. I grab the bottle and untwist the cap, it's almost empty, dammit. In fact, there's only one pill. I don't fuss and take the single pill. I rub my face again as it goes down, I turn and throw the empty bottle in the trash. I leave the bathroom, Stone's  _still_  watching the TV.

"Did you find it?" He asked me, eyes still glued to the TV.

"Yeah, there was only one left, though."

He didn't reply, but I knew he heard me. I shook my head as I entered the kitchen, I rummaged the counter for my car keys. I couldn't find them, I'm baffled. They're not in the drawers, or near Stone's keys. I scowl, maybe I'm just too tired to really think correctly. I bring my right hand up and cup my cheek, my cheeks are red and hot, my eyelids heavy from fatigue, and I could barely stand. Maybe I was dehydrated, I wasn't sure. I look up in the cabinet near me, seeing if I can find a glass to use. There's one, lucky me. I take it and fill it with water, the throbbing continues in my head, the world sways beneath my feet. I gulp down the drink, moderately fast. It helps me feel better, my legs aren't dead weight anymore and my throat is clear. That's just what I needed to get moving, really.

I leave the kitchen and head back into the living room. Stone still doesn't look at me, his eyes are evaluating the television, all the colors reflect in his eyes. He sips his coffee every so often, but other than that he's really not moving. My brows knit together as I take a step forward, now I'm to the right of the television. He still doesn't look up, but he at least speaks.

"You okay?" His tone is vague, his mind obviously fixated on the show he was watching.

"Yeah, have you seen my keys?" I questioned, arching my brow.

"Didn't you put them in your pockets? You didn't give them to  _me_." He hastily finished, his head stretched out, trying to evaluate what had just happened on his show. I turned to the television, too, but I couldn't help but snort.

He's watching  _Seinfeld_. The bassline in the intro gave it away. My face twisted into a disgusted scowl. It was trash.  _Wait_ , I have to remember why I came out here. Keys, yes. I patted my pockets, a blush spreads across my cheeks as I pull out my car keys from my left pocket. Stone shoots me another glare, The 'I told you so' kind of glare. I shake him off, heading to the door.

"Bye," He said almost like I had been rude.

"Sorry, Stone, I've got places to be," I reassure him that I'm not trying to seem rude.

I turn the handle, but the door won't budge. I twist again, and again. And hand pushes past me and twists the lock. Dammit. How could I be so blind? Stone is already sitting back on the couch, he looks pissed The emotion shown on my face dulls as I leave his apartment, I pull my shoulders back and head toward the elevator. The metal doors jut open and I stepped inside. The numbered buttons for the floors are covered in grime, I extend my hand but use only my knuckle to hit the button for the ground level. I wander back into thought as the elevator descends. I'm instantly met with a vision of Eddie, his chocolate brown hair, his diamond blue eyes, and that damn beautiful baritone voice of his. I'm stupefied at what I just thought, the way I described him...  _beautiful?_

**_God._ **

I can't even listen to myself, thankfully the ding of the elevator brings me back to reality. I cup my head in my hands as I walk out, a blush had crept on me and painted my face a nice rosy red. I hastily pass everyone in the foyer, making my way to my car. The parking lot was empty, besides Stone's and my car. I half expect there to be a ticket on my windshield, they only allow long-term parking for residences, after all. Maybe they eased on their policies because there was no ticket or even warning on my car. I'm thankful, though, it does seem weird. Maybe this is just a bout of good fortune. I'll just go with that.

I unlock the car doors and hop in, igniting the engine. I'm still a bit groggy, but I definitely feel better than this morning. I buckle up and put the car in reverse, my right-hand turns to turn up the radio. They're playing Van Halen, "When It's Love", more specifically. I usually don't mind the song, but I can't bear to listen to it now. I don't know why, but those thoughts of Eddie came to mind as the song entered the chorus. I had to switch the station, I can't deal with this distraction now. Maybe this is a sign, God I hope not.

I'm on the street where Jeff lives now, keeping an eye out for a parking space. The radio starts to play "With Or Without You" by U2, I just turn the damn thing off now. This is starting to get on my nerves, if I hear one fucking more love song, I'm going to lose it! I take a breather as I pull in to a parking space, I can't go see Ed while I'm acting like a hot mess. Cars pass, it feels like hours have gone by, but it really been maybe five minutes. I finally get the balls to get out of my car, I'm ready to see Ed... and Jeff, if he's even awake yet. I rub my eyes with the palms of my hands as I enter the apartment complex. This one's busier than Stone's place, there are people huddled around the elevator shaft. I give a huff and join the crowd, but a familiar voice grabs my attention.

"Chris?" That damn baritone voice spoke. I knew it, it was Eddie. I turned to face him, he has a hot mug of coffee in his hands. Jeff isn't in sight, so I assume he went out on his own endeavor.

"I didn't think you were gonna show up." He mutters barely above a whisper, his eyes are soft, but he has the confidence to look me in the eyes this time. I'm thankful for that, at least.

"I told you I was coming, I wouldn't leave you hanging. Sorry I couldn't get here sooner..."

"It's okay," He simpered, his hand wraps tightly against his coffee container. "Do you still want to go to the beach?"

"Only if you want to," I may have answered too quickly because his eyes widened like I had spooked him. Maybe he could tell I was eager to get some alone time with him. My cheeks started to burn hot again, I sunk into my clothes.

"I would love to," His smile widens, "We could leave now i-if you're alright with that."

"Yeah," I was internally freaking out, "I came here to get you, so, we can leave now unless you need to grab something."

He gives a slight movement of his shoulder to shrug, he shook his head and took a sip of his coffee.

"We can go ahead and leave, I'm ready."

With that, I turn and face the glass doors of the foyer, Eddie is nearly attached to my side, he's so close. I understand he's just anxious, so I pay it no mind. I held the door opened for him, once outside he gave me a bemused look. I arched my brow and walked over to him, but it seemed like he was just confused as to which car I drove. I lead him to my vehicle, I think he was relieved to get out of there. We both entered my car, buckling up. I pull out of the parking space.

"Is it okay if I turn on the radio?" He asked me, extending his left index finger to point at the car radio. I gave him a nod, a soft little 'Mhm' to go along with it. He pressed down on the volume button to turn the radio on, the station was playing some Rolling Stone song, I couldn't make it out yet, but I knew that voice. Eddie is bobbing his head to the beat, I look at him out of the corner of my eyes.

"You like this song?"

"Yeah, it's Wild Horses." He replied, still bobbing his head to the beat. Now I knew the song, I gave him a warm smile.

"Nice, I like it too. Don't hear it a lot though."

"Oh really?" He quirks a brow, turning the volume down just a tad so he could hear me better.

"Yeah, it's mainly because I'm more of a Beatles guy." I give him a smirk, but he looks confused again.

"No way, you're in a heavy band, Rolling Stone is in your genes." His lips curl, the words linger in my ears for a moment.

"Yeah... You're right, but you do have to give Lennon some credit."

"Oh, of course. Where would music be without him? Well, without his music," He clarified himself, pursing his lips for a second, "I just pegged you more of a Stone's fan rather than a Beatles fan."

"Yeah, you caught me on that one."

"Hey, uh," He bit the left corner of his lip, "Do you like The Who?" His tone is shaky, disquiet tainted his words, but he looked at me. That was an improvement, yesterday he couldn't even talk to me.

"Yeah, they're pretty cool," I stop talking for a moment so I can concentrate on the road, I'm starting to turn on a busy street, "Pete Townshend is a beast. My Generation is probably my favorite song. I keep asking Jeff to learn the bassline, but I don't think he can handle it."

Eddie gives a snicker, rubbing the patch of skin between his chin and his lip. We're almost there now, just another left and we'll be at the beach. There's a big sign that reads "Discovery Park", that's our destination.

"I can imagine Jeff couldn't handle it, I don't think he even knows the names of the notes," He snickers again, "I'm just joking. Jeff's a good bassist."

"I know," I begin to pull into an empty parking lot. There's a wooden bridge that leads over a dune towards the right of the parking lot. Eddie can't help but stare at it, he's smiling ear to ear, "I just like to tease him sometimes."

Eddie's not paying attention, I don't think so. He's too fixated on the sand, but I don't blame him. This part of the beach is a pretty secluded place, no one outside of our cliche knows about it, really. I pull into a parking space and stop the engine. I turn to Eddie, he's facing me.

"You ready to go?"

"Yes," He unbuckles his seatbelt, "I'm excited to see this place."

I unbuckle myself, too, and we both exit the vehicle. Eddie's diamond blue eyes studied the sand, I should be too, but my eyes are too engrossed in him. I can't help it, I try to get myself to stare at something else, but I just... can't. Eddie starts to climb the bridge over the dune, I follow. The wind blows in his hair, sending his curls swirling, the same is probably happening to my own hair, but I just don't care. This beach just draws all the stress out of me, and I want Eddie to experience that too. He seems to be, he's grinning like a fool and he actually looks me in the eyes when he talks to me. I'm proud, honestly.

We reach the sand finally, though the sands are more like rocks, I lead him to my favorite spot on the beach. Its a patch of grass nearest to the water, the blades are long and tall, some actually stand taller than Ed. He and I sit in the grass, neither of us seem to care if our clothes get messed up by the sand. His oceanic blue eyes study my features, his face dimpled as his eyes met my own, he was happy, I knew that, but he was good at concealing it. I watch him as his eyes drift towards the water, the glint in his eyes tells me he loves the ocean.

"I love watching the waves," Ed mumbled, I could barely hear him against the wind, "In California the beaches are beautiful, but they're always packed. I used to be quite the surfer in my early twenties." He turns back to face, he gave me an amiable smile, I return the expression.

"Really?" I flash him a smirk, "Competitive or just for fun?"

"Just for fun, it's real nice," He's facing the water again, "I can imagine it's way too cold to do that kind of stuff here. The water'll kill you."

"Oh yeah, I had a couple of buddies that tried to get in the water here, it's not good. No Bueno."

We're both admiring the water now, just sitting here with Eddie made my day so much better. He doesn't seem as anxious anymore, I applaud him, but he still has a ways to go. I turn to face him again, I scoot a bit closer to him as the cold air began to pierce my skin.

"Yknow, I used to come up here all the time with a good friend of mine," A hint of grief in my words, "He was a brother to me, but... he's-- he's gone now."

"Andy?" Eddie speaks in a soft tone.

"Yeah," My face drains of color, I try to gulp down the lump that filled my throat. My voice is raspy now, I can't get Andy off my mind. He and I used to pass each other a peace pipe in this exact spot. I rub my cheeks with the palms of my hands to distract myself from those thoughts. I was too grief-stricken at the moment to realize Eddie put a hand on my shoulder.

I turn to him, his blue eyes softly studied me, I know he can see how my eyes were burning with tears. I can't look at him, not now. I can't let my second interaction with him be like this, I probably look like a fool. I breathe deep, trying to calm my nerves, I'm actually glad Eddie's here. I look back over at him, he shoots me a sympathetic smile and pats my shoulder again. There's a rumble of thunder from the clouds overhead and it begins to drizzle, but neither of us makes a motion to move. I drop my head, so it's closer to Eddie.

"But I'm glad to -- to share this place with s-someone new." I finish with a raspy tone, I bring my arm up to wipe some of the rain droplets from my face. Some of those are probably tears, but the rain conceals them.

Eddie looks at me with wide eyes, he turns away quickly once he noticed he's blushing. I grin, the lump in my throat clears, and I don't feel so upset anymore. He finally turns around and acknowledges what I said, his cheek are still a tad rosy, but I don't mind. It compliments his skin tone, really... Not like it matters to me.

"I--" He's shaking his head, as if he doesn't know what to say, "That means a lot." He sucks in a lot of air as if he just got a wave of relief. My cheeks dimple in response, his do, too.

"I'd like to think, maybe he's here with us---?" His voice sounds uncertain, but I know what he's trying to convey, "If you believe in those types of things, of course..."

"Yeah..."

Memories of Andy and I flood back to me, I remember him and I right here talking about reincarnation, he has asked me what I'd want to come back as, I said a dog, he just went on this whole complex conversation about it, like it really mattered. I think Eddie can tell I'm being thrown back in time, he grabs my hand, rubbing the area between my wrist and knuckles with his thumb. I quirk a brow, he immediately retracts his hand.

"Is it okay if I share something personal with you--?" Eddie asks, I think he just wants to get my attention off Andy, which is good. I give him a nod, a signal to go ahead.

"Well, a little while ago I found out my dad wasn't really my dad," He lowered his voice, he starts to twiddle his thumbs, "That wasn't the worse part, though... My mom never told me about my real dad until he was dead, can you believe that?" He snorts, his cheeks burn bright red again, his nostrils are flaring.

"I'm sorry, man..." I'm too shocked to say anything comforting, so I place my hand on his shoulder, he gives me a half-smile.

"It's okay, I don't want to think about it much, but I trust you enough to tell you these things." Eddie reaches across with his right hand to touch my hand that is resting on his shoulder.

"Okay, no biggie," I'm glad we're off these sad topics, "So... Not sure if this is the time to ask, but do you want to talk about the song I want to do a duet with you?"

"Sure," He retracts his hands and lets his arms lay limp in his lap, "What d'ya got?"

"I don't have a name for it yet, and I kinda want your input," I pulled out a dirty piece of paper that I almost forgot I had, "Here, the parts titled with E.V are your parts."

I hand him the lyrics, he carefully unfolds it and looks it over. I'm not sure what he's thinking, but I assume its good. He's bobbing his head like he's creating a rhythm for it. It doesn't take him long to read it, he folds it back up and gives it to me. He's grinning ear-to-ear, I can't help but cup my cheek in my hand. Watching his face was an experience, he always showed so much emotion... I could get lost in his features... Wait, back to what we were saying.

"I like it," He pulls a strand of hair out of his face, "I think your highs and my lows will create a damn good harmony, eh?" He simpered, his smile was intoxicating.

"That's what I was thinking, too. Jeff thought you should only do a single verse, but I insisted we both have equal parts. You are an amazing singer, I love your voice."

"Really? I love yours, too. Jeff showed me a concert he had filmed from your Soundgarden show a couple of years back, and damn you can hit some fucking notes." I chuckle, he chuckles, we're both having a good time.

We continue talking for what feels like hours, I tell him some stories about some dumb shit Jeff and Stone had gotten into, and he tells me of his band back in California, Bad Radio. The rain had stopped, leaving both of us soaked and our hair frizzed as the warmer air moved in. I love hearing him talk, I love watching him smile. I see something in him different from Andy, he's unique... Not that Andy wasn't of course, no one could replace him, but he was definitely someone who could fill the gap where he stood. He'd do more than honor this music scene, even if he doesn't think so. It's getting late now, I should take Ed back home, or Jeff will throw a fit, but I can't help but relish this moment. At this moment, I am happy, just... happy.   

I'm caught off guard as the light begins to dim, I turn my head up to see the sun starting t go down. It's beautiful, Ed's cheeks dimple as the sky turns pinkish-orange. Ed begins to stand up, I follow his actions. He must be getting tired, I can see it in his eyes, and well, he is yawning, too. It's infectious, now I'm yawning, too.

"You getting ready to head back home?" Ed asked me, I slowly nod.

"Only if you're ready."

"Jeff asked if I could be back by nine, so..." He shrugs but begins to walk toward the bridge.

"You guys have plans?" I cock my head, following behind Ed.

"Yeah, kinda, he wants to go to a music store with me,  I dunno why." He shakes his head, did he not want to go? "Jeff's trying to get me to learn bass."

Oh... That's why.

"Don't let him seduce you into that, there's a reason bass has 'ass' in it."

We both snort, but we're cut off as we reach my vehicle. I unlock it and he and I step in. We make our way back to Jeff's apartment. Eddie almost fell asleep in the car, I would've thought he'd be used to staying up late. I know Jeff does some weird shit, 'specially late at night. Regardless, we're at the apartment now. I find a parking space, Eddie arched a brow.

"Aren't you just gonna drop me off?" He seems to not understand that I am trying to be courteous.

"Nah, I'll walk you up to the apartment."

He nods his head and unbuckles himself, I follow suit. I hold the foyer's doors open for him, he thanks me and we continue through the apartment building. We reach the elevator shaft, I press the button to go up. Eddie's lips shine with a smile, I'm still in awe of him. I try not to make it obvious, though. The elevator dings and we step inside. It seems like we're the only people here, everyone that lives here must've already tucked into bed. I don't care, honestly, my attention is still drawn to Eddie. Our time together really means a lot to me,  I hope this gives him the idea that he doesn't have to be so anxious with me, he and I are friends. My thoughts are cut off as the elevator dings again, we're on Jeff's floor. We walk together, he doesn't talk, though. I brush it off as he's too tired, I don't blame him, though. We reach Jeff's door, Eddie turns the handle and begins to step up, but he turns around and addresses me.

"Hey, Chris?" Eddie gets my attention.

"Yeah?"

"Do you maybe want to hang out later tomorrow?"

A smile creeps its way onto my lips.

"Of course! I--- I'm not too busy, I have to stop by Kim's and then Mike's early in the morning, but that's it."

"Great. I'll call you to see if you're still down for it, tomorrow."

Eddie steps in the door and shuts it behind him, I can feel my heart swell with joy. This is the start of something great, I tell you.


	3. Just Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drug abuse and depression trigger warning.

******Eddie's POV**

"I'm just saying a Jazz bass beats a precision any day." Jeff was hell-benton making me try all these basses.

"Precision basses are better tone wise." I contort, Jeff scowls at me, he moves closer to the shelf of instruments and pulls down an old 1960's sonic blue Jazz Bass. It's road worn, I think it looks kind of ugly, but the blue is real pretty. Reminds me of Chris'— Nevermind. I don't want to think about him now.

"Try this bad boy," He hands me the instrument and plugs me in, flipping the standby off on the amp.

I turn the tone all the way up on the bass and play a couple of riffs. Jeff has a devilish grin on his lips, he's hoping I give in and say Jazz's are better. I really couldn't care less, it's all about personal preference, but now I'm just playing this little game to piss him off. I huff, flipping the amp back onto standby.

"It looks nice, but plays shitty." I sneer at him, he glares at me.

"You just have bad taste." He said, half-jokingly.

I unplug the bass and hand it back to Jeff. He's tall enough to reach those top guitar racks, so I entrust him with the duty of putting it up. There's a nice fretless to the right of the jazz bass Jeff had just handed to me. It had no paint, maybe just a coat of finish, but that was it. The wood was aesthetically inviting, even though it was— dare I say, a Jazz Bass. I walk over to where Jeff was standing and point it out, he takes that as a cue to pull it down.

"You ever played a fretless?" I ask him, he lifts his shoulders to shrug at me, "Maybe you should try it out—?"

"I picked up one once, I don't like the lined ones," He tells me as he sits in the stool nearest the bass amp, hooking it up to the speaker, "They're fun, I don't know if I'd own one, though."

"Oh, give it a shot!" I exclaim, pleading for him to try it out. I know he likes those unique basses, why not add another to the collection? "It's only two-hundred bucks— one-ninety nine, actually."

He doesn't respond back, but I know he heard what I said. He turns the volume knob up a tad and plays a couple of notes. He makes a nice rhythm, I think he can definitely pull it off. He's a little... sloppy, but he makes it look good. I give him a nod to signal that I'm enjoying it, he gives me one back to say he is, too.

"I think you should get it."

"I dunno, I think I'll come back later for it. I don't even think I have room for another bass..."

We both look at each other before bursting into laughter. Hilarious one, Jeff, you are  _always_ eyeing another bass to buy. He unplugs the fretless and hangs in back on the rack next to the Jazz bass.

"I'll come by and get it tomorrow or something, I don't wanna go and pull out money."

"I understand that."

"So, uh, you gotta admit bass is pretty cool, yeah?"

"It's  _alright._ You can't spell 'bass' without 'ass', Jeff."

He glares at me, folding his arms over his chest. He's trying to look all stern, or he just got his feelings hurt, but he can't hold it for long and gives me a half-assed smile. He shakes his head and walks away from me, heading towards the entrance of the shop, I follow him. We didn't drive down here since this shop is close to Jeff's apartment, so we're on foot from here on out. I catch up with Jeff, walking by his side.

"Did Chris tell you that joke? The bass with 'ass'?"

"Yeah..." I feel a little ashamed for not being so original, but I shake it off, Jeff nudges me with his fist.

"You two are really getting along, huh?" I look over at him and he's smirking at me, my cheeks start to burn with a blush.

"Yeah, he's real nice. I like him." It was a truthful response.

"You  _like-like_ him?" He sneers, my blush deepens. I swear I don't know how I put up with him, or how  _anyone_ puts up with him some days. I sigh, shooting him the ' _Go fuck your self'_ look, "You can be honest, you gotta admit he's  _kinda_ good looking. If I were gay I'd—"

"Just shut up." I interrupted, I really don't want to talk about this. Not now. Not while I barely know Chris, I can't catch feelings this early.

"Okay, sorry... geez." He responded barely above a whisper. I feel a little bad for snapping at him, but he doesn't really need to be in my business... the way he tried to explain it too— like it's all about sex. Fuck, man.

"Do you wanna go get lunch?" I have to change the subject, I made it awkward. Jeff strays a bit from me but catches up as I start talking with him again.

"Sure," His tone is vague, maybe I did piss him off, "Where do you wanna go?"

"I dunno."

"Well, that really helps." He snorts and shoots me a smile, I return it graciously.

"We could stop at that place you used to work?"

" _Ew_."

"... Or not."

"How about we just get something from that coffee shop by our house. I'm just a little peckish, honestly."

"That sounds good. I'd rather not argue over restaurants all damn day." We both get a kick out of that.

We're both quiet the rest of the trip. I hope he wasn't too upset because I snapped at him... Maybe I'm overreacting, I have a tendency to do that. The coffeehouse isn't too far from the music center, fortunately. It's quite literally just down the block, and then around the  _other_ block is Jeff's apartment. I'd like to think Jeff has the best spot in town. I pull myself out of my head and back into reality. We just arrived at the coffeehouse. Jeff opens the door for me and I step inside, he follows closely behind me. The aroma of coffee beans was prominent in the air, I take a deep breath to take it all in. Jeff nudges me again, pointing to the empty line.

"We should probably order before it gets crowded."

"Yeah," I agree, following him over to the counter.

The barista takes our order, Jeff ordered some complex fucking drink, I can't even remember it all, I don't know how this lady is going to be able to. I snicker to myself, but then I remember  _everyone_ up here orders weird, crazy drinks. I tell her my order, all I get is a cappuccino. Jeff ordered two donuts for us, too. He's such a gentleman... a weird gentleman. We pay for our stuff and head over to an empty table and sit down, waiting for our drinks to be finished.

"So, uh," I try and make conversation, "If you're okay with it, uh, can you tell me more about Andy? I'd-Id understand if you didn't want to."

"Nah, you're good," He takes a bite of his treat before continuing, "What do you wanna know?" He spoke with his mouth full.

"I dunno... like, what did  _you_ think about him? I hear what everyone else says, but I haven't heard your stories about him." Jeff raises his shoulders to shrug.

"There's not much to tell," He purses his lips for a moment, concentrating, "We worked together, back when I was in a band with Mark Arm. After Stone and I, told Mark to go fuck himself, we asked Andy to join our new project. Mother Love Bone actually started as a cover band, did'ya know that?"

"No way."

"Yeah, we'd dress up in makeup and girl clothes and go sing covers of songs. It was kinda embarrassing but I didn't care. It was fun. Then we started making our own stuff, that was fun too. We were pretty popular for awhile, then yknow... I think the only thing I really hated about it was, the uh, the fucking makeup. You know how hard is it to put eyeliner on? It's not fun, I almost got pink eye because of it."

"Maybe you were just putting it on wrong? I mean,  _I've_ never tried makeup, not yet, so..." I give him a chuckle, his lips part into a smile.

I hear the barista call out Jeff's name, I stand up to go and get them. There's not many people over at the counter to pick up drinks, thankfully. I take our two cups and grab a straw for Jeff, since he got a cold drink. I walk back over to our table and hand Jeff his coffee, he thanks me and I sit back down.

"They spelled my name as G-e-o-f-f. What the hell," He snickers, I check my own cup and it does, in fact, read 'Geoff'.  _Hilarious,_ Seattle is so progressive that Jeff is a weird name, "That's pretty funny... my last boss would write my name like that, my name tag read Geoff, too, like on the cup."

We share another laugh. I'm warmed by the fact Jeff and I had forged a friendship so fast, I'd probably go crazy in this city if it weren't for him. He taps my hand to get me to focus on him again.

"Do you and Chris still have plans tonight?" He asks, leaning his cup towards him to take another sip.

"Uh," My expression dulls, Jeff makes note of it and gives me a sympathetic eye, "He said he was busy, we'd have to make plans later this week or next week..." My tone is hushed, I try not to seem so upset about it, but I can't help but feel like I did something wrong.

I know Chris is busy, I know he has a life outside of music, but that little, insecure part of me keeps nagging at me like I did something to upset him. I take a deep breath, Jeff puts his hand over mine. I rest my head on my free hand, I probably do give off a vibe that tells Jeff that I'm really bummed about it. Jeff is good at picking up on that, he's a good dude.

"Well, you and I just get to hang out then, I'm sure Chris is just busy, his manager is pretty picky. I dunno. You should call him tomorrow, though, just in case."

"Just in case what?"

"Just, uh, to see if he's alright, see when he'll be available next."

I squint my eyes, it feels like Jeff is keeping something from me. Maybe Chris has a girlfriend, there's no way he's single... He's pretty, nice eyes, good personality, too. I watch as Jeff folds his lips together, I can tell he's contemplating something. Maybe there's a reason he's keeping something from me— Maybe there's nothing at all and I'm just too hardheaded to take what he said as the final answer.

"If, uh, you're ready we can start heading home?" He tried to change the subject. Now I'm real keen about him hiding something. That turd. I give him a nod, we both stand and leave the coffeehouse.

**Chris' POV**

Ifeel like shit, I probably look worse than I feel. I can't keep my mind off Andy  _and_  Eddie. Fuck,  _fuck_ , how did I know it would end up like this, I miss Andy. He was a brother to me, he shouldn't have suffered. Not like he did. Not being hooked up to a hospital bed while he's completely brain dead, trying to keep him 'alive'. I can't get that picture out of my head, I can't stop seeing him. I take a deep breath to calm myself, but it's no use. I'm trembling, my breathing was unsteady, and holy  _shit_ my heart was racing. Maybe this isn't even about Andy anymore. Maybe this is about...

I hold my head in my hands. No, no, Chris you don't need to turn back to... to the fucking pills. That's what killed Andy. That's what'll kill me, too... I am fighting the urge to just pop open the bottle and down a couple Ativan, drink some beer to wash it down. No, I'm meaner than these demons. I don't need this. Not now. I take another shaky breath, opening my cabinet and putting the bottle of pills back in it. I slam the drawer shut, walking away from it fast. I walk into my living room, I can't be in the same room as my pills right now. I sit on the couch, letting my head hang, my curls covering my face.

Everything seems so pointless. My best friend is dead, my band isn't doing the best, I'm a fucking druggie. I feel tears swell in my eyes, I don't even try to fight them back. They stain my cheeks, but I feel better letting my emotions out. I close my eyes shut, taking a deep breath in once more, hoping to calm my nerves.  _You're okay, Chris,_ I tell myself,  _You still got a lot of fight in you._ My thoughts are cut off by my telephone ringing. I don't want to answer it, I just let it fucking ring. I'm too unstable to really talk, especially to one of my friends. It stops ringing, I'm relieved, but then it starts up again. Whoever that fucking was wasn't going to take 'No' for an answer. I mumble a curse and wipe the tears from my eyes, leaning over to pick up the receiver.

"Chris?" The voice talks, I can't concentrate enough to understand who's on the other line, "Are you okay?"

I know who it is now. It's Eddie. God, I can't talk to him like this. My chest starts to tighten and anxiety sets in. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't respond, I don't know  _how_ to respond.

"Hello—?" He repeats, "Chris please talk to me. I'm worried about you."

"I-I'm okay."

"Are you sure? You don't sound like you usually do—" Someone takes the phone from him, I'm assuming it's Jeff.

"Do we need to come over there? Are you okay?" Yep. It's Jeff. Ever since Andy passed, he's been real worried about all of us, me especially. He knows I take those pills. He knows I've been this way for awhile, long before I met him.

"I—" I don't even have time to respond.

"We're coming over." Jeff finished and hangs up. Well, fuck. Now I have to actually face them while I'm like this. Fuck, fuck. My head hangs again, I feel sick to my stomach, but I know that's just my body trying to coax me into taking some pills. Even  _my body_ is against me on this one.

My head pounds, it's nearly maddening. I feel so terrible, I just  _need_ something to get me through today. No, no, no. I feel myself crying again, tears drip down my cheeks. Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I just... not be a fucking addict. Why did I have to be raised into this? Fuck, if I could start again, I would've never,  _never_ gave in. I would keep to myself. But it's over now. Now I'm here, a fucking loser who has to turn to drugs. I know it can never go away. I'll always be like this. It will be the death of me. I hear a knock at the door, Jeff and Eddie already here? I don't make a move to go open it for them, Jeff just storms in, Eddie's right behind me. Jeff bolts to my side, Eddie does too.

"Did you relapse?" Jeff asked me.

"What do you think?"

"Maybe you need to see a doctor? Get some help."

"Why so they can fucking give me mor—"

I'm cut off as arms wrap around my waist, I turn to see Eddie holding me. What the fuck? His grip tightens, he's fucking hugging me. He's showing me he cares. He's showing me that he  _loves_ me. I just can't think straight, and I wrap my own arms around him, pulling him into me. I feel the tears coming down again, I can't hold back from sobbing and trembling. Jeff joins in too, his arms wrapping around me, too. Fuck, I feel like a prick. A selfish fucking prick.

"You mean a lot to us," Eddie pipes up, "I don't want to see you travel down this road." Jeff mumbles in agreement.

"Maybe-Maybe you should sta-stay with us? Just until you've got some peace of mind?" Jeff adds, I'm still too bewildered to form words, I just nod in response.

Jeff retracts his arms from my waist, but Eddie is still stuck on me. I turn my full attention to him, I don't know what to do, my hand just starts to stroke his hair. I can't help it. I feel so shitty for bringing him into this, but having them here really helped. Seeing how much these two care for me makes me want to stop, even if my body doesn't want to give it up. Eddie finally let's go of me, but he replaces his gesture with another loving one, he leans his head on my shoulder. I could tell he was warm out, he must've been really stressed about me. Same goes for Jeff, they both look like they got the  _hell_ beat out of them. Then I realize, I probably look a lot worse.

"We should probably start heading back to my place," Jeff broke the silence, Ed and I nod in agreement.

They both stand up, Eddie offers me a hand to help me up. I take his hand and he pulls me on to my feet. God, I'm thankful to have these two dudes as my friends, I'd probably've slipped back into my addiction had they not have called. I go into my room and pack a few thing of clothes, then I head back into the living room. Jeff leaves first, Eddie and I follow close behind.

I feel loved again. It makes me ecstatic to know there's at least two people who would care if I ended up dead in a ditch. I'm glad they care, I'm glad they're here, I'm glad they tried to knock some sense into me.


	4. Two Goons And A Cornell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter

**Chris' POV**

 

"I'm starving," Jeff broke the silence, we were all on the couch together, watching,  _god forbid,_ Seinfeld. It's kind of grown on me. It had been a week since Jeff and Ed took me in when I was about to dip back into my addiction.  _Holy hell,_ I'm lucky to have these dicks as friends.

I hear a lighter flick, Eddie has the peace pipe in his mouth. Now they're trying to play me so  _I_ have to drive them. Touché. I watch Ed take a hit before passing it back to Jeff.

"Me too," Ed chimes in, "We should go get something to eat." Jeff mumbles in agreement, I side-eye them both.

"We have food here." I contested.

"Nope," Jeff shots me a shit-eating grin, "We ate all the ramen last night, after we all got buzzed."

I huff, but I know it's true. I turn towards Ed, he looks half-asleep. We all look terrible, none of us probably showered in a couple days. Ed's hair is in knots, I'm sure mine is too. We  _really_ shouldn't be going out while these two are buzzed, neither of them can hide it. I turn back to Jeff, he blinks hard, he's facing me, but his gaze is absent. He probably doesn't even notice that his mouth is hanging open.

"Well, where do we wanna eat?"

They both make the "I dunno" noise, I glare at both of them.

"You have  _five_ minutes to decide, or I'm not taking you."

"Not cool, Chris," Ed pipes up, his ocean-blue eyes meet mine, a couple strands of hair fall in his face.

"We could get sushi," Jeff replies.

"I don't have that kind of money, Jeff." I hear him scoff.

"We— We could go get some Wendy's."

" _Ew."_ Jeff and I both say, almost simultaneously.

"Fuck you guys," Eddie responds to our negativity.

"How about we just go get some cheap stuff, McDonald's or Taco Bell. I don't... I do' really care." Jeff finished with a giggle, which in turn causes Eddie to giggle, too.

"I like the sound of that, it won't break the bank. Whenever you guys are ready, lemme know."

They both take a minute to look at each other before turning back to me. They both have shit-eating grins again. I roll my eyes, knowing exactly what that means. I pull myself off the couch, Eddie and Jeff follow suit.

"I'm taking your truck, okay Jeff?" He nods, I'm sure he really doesn't care. I go and grab his keys and signal for the two goons to follow.

 

**Time Skip**

 

The McDonalds wasn't that far from Jeff's place, so we were able to make it there before it starts to rain on us. There are already lines of cars packed into the drive-thru, so I opt to get a parking space and let Ed and Jeff go inside to get us something to eat.

"Why didn't we just go to the drive-thru?" Ed's jaw hangs open just a bit after he finishes speaking.

"I'm not waiting in that damn line."

"Well," His brow knits together and he tries to formulate something coherent, "Come in with us."

"No."

"Cmon," Jeff whines too, "I don't have enough money to pay for all of us."

"Bullshit."

"Y'uhhuh." The two goons are  _overwhelmingly_  convincing, note my sarcasm there, and I give in. I unbuckle myself and all three of us pile out of the beat up pick up that Jeff owned.  I don't know why I let them drag me in on this, but I stop myself from complaining. It's kind of nice getting out of the house and spending time with Ed and Jeff. Even if they're kind of losers. I love them, though.

"What should we get?" Jeff asks us while holding the door open, Ed gives a shrug while making his way towards the line. It wasn't as packed as the drive-thru, fortunately.

"Something  _cheap,_ " I tell Jeff, I watch him purse his lips for a second before giving me a rather curt nod, "You two are ordering, okay? I'll find us a table."

I didn't even wait for them to respond before I started to make my way towards the empty booth all the way in the back. I sit down, noting how unclean the booth was. Though, who could complain? You get cheap food fast, so. Just a minor drawback. Whatever. I turn my attention back towards Dumb and Dumber, I see them giggling amongst themselves. Those fucking goons. It's their turn to order, I watch as Jeff loudly utters "uhhhh" to the cashier, Eddie keeps combing his hair with his fingers. I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to hold back a giggle, they really can't hide their high.

After a few minutes of mumbling barely intelligible orders, Dumb and Dumber finally place our order and come back to sit down. Jeff seems a bit blank, if that makes any sense, his expression is just lifeless. Poor dude must be having a downer. Ed, on the other hand, is giddy as can be, he gives me a sincere grin as he approached the table. His vibes make me feel good, I enjoy hanging out with these two even if I don't show it.

"Hey," Eddie mumbles, "Food'll be out soon."

He pushes the chair so he can sit down, Jeff follows suit and sits next to him. Jeff plays with a stray piece of hair, he's trying to fixate his attention on anything other than energy between Eddie and I. He must know something, he always keeps secrets. I absentmindedly glare at him, but he doesn't even realize it. Before we can even get a moment to talk, the food workers call out Jeff's name and he goes to the counter to get our food.

"Thanks for comin'," Eddie smiles lowly, "I like hanging with you."

"Hanging?" I snort at his vocabulary, but what else is there to say?, "I like  _hanging_ with you too."

"That doesn't sound sincere."

"Well, it is."

I watch his eyes shoot towards the table, I realize how dull I sound about now. Eddie suffers from anxiety, I know that, and I know that how I'm acting doesn't help him get any better. Thankfully Jeff comes and saves us from the awkwardness that I had caused, he puts down the tray of food and sits next to Eddie again. I watch Eddie lean in and mumble something barely audible into Jeff's ear, he looks up and stares at me with an almost hurt expression. Oh fuck, what did I do now?

 

**Time Skip**

 

We arrive back home, Jeff and Eddie didn't talk for the whole ride home. I still don't know what happened, why are they making me out to be the bad guy? I feel my features turn hard, Jeff side-eyes me from his seat. Fuck, he and Eddie are still holding secrets. Well, whatever it is, I obviously fucked it over. I sigh, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me as we pull into the apartment parking lot. Jeff and Eddie don't say a word as they unbuckle themselves, the whole energy seems to change again... now it's even worse.

"Hey—" I try and call out to them, but they're already heading into the lobby, "HEY!"

"Chris it's fucking midnight, keep your voice down," Jeff scoffs, "We'll see you upstairs."

I'm dumbfounded again, I stand and stare as they push the elevator button and leave me in the lobby.

 

**Eddie's POV**

 

Jeff and I step into the elevator shaft, then he hits the button to get to his floor.

"I really fucked that over, huh?"

"Nah," Jeff shrugs his shoulders, "Chris is just... I dunno..."

"I'm an idiot—"

"There's no reason to put yourself down, Eddie."

"Yeah, there is."

"No."

"Whatever..."

The elevator dings as we reach the correct floor, Jeff reaches into his pocket to grab his apartment key. Fuck, my anxiety races... why can't Chris just be straightforward with his feelings? What if I'm just overthinking this shit. Fuck, that's probably it. That's why Jeff isn't really responding to my bullshit right now. I huff as I watch Jeff turn the key and open the apartment door.

"What  _is_ your deal with Chris anyways?" He quirks a brow, I feel my cheeks go red with embarrassment.

"I dunno..."

"Yeah, you do."

"Well—"

God, fuck, I've been here for a few months. It's WAY too fucking early for this shit. I know Jeff is studying my expression right now, he closes the door as we both finally enter.

"What is it?" He's getting impatient.

"It's—"

"Cmon, Eddie."

"I think I'm in love—"

"With..."

"With Chris..."

My anxiety is getting the best of me again, Jeff opens his mouth to say something but I can't stay down here to listen to it. I push past him and go into the guest bedroom where I'm staying. I hear the flooring creak as Jeff tries and follow me, but I lock the bedroom door before he can get in. He huffs outside the door, but I'm sure he knows that I need some space as I hear the flooring freak down the hall. I sit in the dark, loathing my easily infatuated nature... Visions of Chris flood me... Visions that would surely ruin our friendship if he knew. I can't get the picture of him in bed with me out of my mind, these fucking  _dirty_ thoughts invade and make me feel disgusting. I can't even register that tears are slipping down my cheeks right now.

I'm pulled back into reality as there's a knock on the bedroom door.

"Eddie?" It's Chris, panic fills my chest, "Eddie let's talk, please."

I don't respond, I fucking CANT respond. They wait outside the door for what feels like a few minutes until Jeff mumbles something into Chris' ear and they go back to whatever they were doing. I feel stupid,  _greedy_ for keeping myself from them, but I'm sure that it's just my anxiety making me feel this way. My eyelids feel heavy now, I try my best to listen in on whatever those two are saying but... drowsiness sets in and I fall asleep, tears still soaking my cheeks.


	5. Slipped On A Kiss

**Eddie's POV**

 

It's morning now, I believe, the sun peaks in through the window shades as I stir from sleep. There's a dull ache in my temples and the light intensifies the pain. I groan, lifting the sheets up to cover my head from the sun's shine. I have half the mind to drift back to sleep, but memories of last night creep up on me and force me to stay up.

_"Eddie, let's talk, please,"_  I remember Chris speaking through the door before Jeff spoke to him in a condescending tone.

With a grumble, I shove the bed covers off me and slowly rise from the bed. There's no hope for me to get back to bed now, my mind is already going a thousand miles a minute. Lifting my arm, I rub my weary eyes, still aching from the tears that cut through them last night, then I finally shamble to my feet. There's a faint smell of coffee in the nearby kitchen, I sit and wonder for a moment what Jeff is doing awake.

Then my mind races again.

_'What if its Chris?' 'What if Jeff is tired of your bullshit, Eddie?'_

My chest feels tight again, I ponder slipping back into bed and just restarting the day, but it's too late. A knock sounds the room, it waits for a response before knocking again. I hear my roommate's groggy voice from the other side of the door. I don't respond, though I know deep down that I want to confide in him all the worries I have from last night. He always lends an ear for me whenever I have steam to blow-- We're  _brothers_  now, or so Jeff says.

"Eddie?" He peeps, "I know you're awake."

Silence, again. Jeff lets out a huff before presumably heading back into the breakfast area to finish his coffee. Silently, I let out a huff, I'm just a nuisance, I've probably fucked up everything for Chris and I-- For my  _band_ , too. Fuck, I have to do something; It's not going to go away by itself, I tell myself, trying to gain the courage to leave this spare bedroom. A shaky breath leaves my throat as I reach my hand towards the doorknob, I flick the lock and finally walk out into the hallway.

"Hey," Fuck, Jeff scared the shit out of me. I thought he had left, but he was waiting right outside my room. I flash him a dirty look, he frowns slightly at my gesture, "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm okay--" He cuts me off abruptly.

"You're lying to me now?"

I squint my eyes at him, is he really  _interrogating_  me now? His expression is quite frank, he knows damn well that I'm  _not_  okay.

"Fine--"

"Let's talk, I got us some coffee from Elm, you can tell me what's on your mind."

With that, he turns and walks over to the breakfast area. He wasn't asking me to join him but  _demanding_  that I let all this stress out. I nod slowly, rubbing my eyes once again as I walk over to join him. I pull the chair and sit down, Jeff pushes my cappuccino towards me without skipping a beat.

"What happened with Chris last night?" I blurt out.

He looks up at me for a minute, then down at his unique coffee drink that he's drinking from. He sits there wordless for a moment, I watch as he fumbles with his straw.

"He was getting on my nerves-- Eddie this, Eddie that-- I told him off. I knew you needed some space from him so... yeah..."

"Told him off? _As in_...?"

"I just told him to leave-- Jeez, I'm not that abrasive, Ed."

"Yeah, but why? Isn't he your  _best friend?_  I'm just some  ** _kid_**  you picked up from the streets--"

"Just stop," Jeff raises his hand up to keep me from going off on a huge rant, "Yes, Chris is one of my best friends but... You and I are like...  _bester_  friends. Brothers, maybe."

"Bester friends? That's not even a word--"

"Yeah, but the sentimental value, Eddie--"

I close my mouth, then I slow nod in agreement with him. Maybe I'm just letting my own head beat me up again, letting it drive away all my friends again. Thank God I have Jeff here to put me in place.

That was only  _moderately_  sarcastic.

I snicker softly at my own thought, Jeff looks up at me again.

"What's funny?" He asked stupidly.

"I just thought of a funny joke."

"You're a weird one, Ed."

It gets quite eerily quiet again, Jeff's attention is focused on the last sips of his coffee. My mind, of-fucking-course, goes back to Chris. Those thoughts of us together-- Us in bed-- They flood me, my own brain works against me again. Fuck. My cheeks turn rosy as the daydream gets more in-depth. Jeff kicks my leg, obviously catching me drawn into my thoughts. I hiss in "pain", then kick him back.

"Fuck you." I laugh out.

"Hey, you don't need to think about riding Chris'  ** _dick_**  in my kitchen."

My cheeks burn hard, knowing Jeff was  _right_  on point with that.

"I was not--"

"Don't even try to deny it," He turns his attention away from me, "We've got band practice later tonight."

"Oh," I mumble, nodding softly, "Okay, yeah."

Not wanting to face Jeff anymore, I turn my gaze towards the windowsill. The sun becomes covered by the greying clouds, sunlight dims as I realize it is going to rain again today. I've never seen so much rain, San Diego was warm and sunny, only really rains during the spring season. Here is different, every day is gloomy and wet. I watch as the first few raindrops touch the glass, then there's a soft rumble of thunder in the distance. I hope it doesn't stay like this for long, this type of weather makes me more...  _depressed_  than usual. My mind wanders again, a fantasy builds inside my head. Chris is there, in my fantasy, he takes my hand and pulls me into the rain despite my protests. He knows how frizzy my hair gets when it is wet, he knows I hate dealing with it but he insists that he thinks its cute.

_{ "C'mon, Ed," Chris simpers,_   _"You look so cute when that mane gets all crazy._ "

_"Stoooop," I whine, curling my head_   _into his chest as we begin to walk down the sidewalk, "It's too much to deal with right now, Chris. I don't wanna get it wet."_

_"Well, it's kinda too late for that, huh?" He motions up at the sky with his eyes, my lips curl into a pout._

_"I'll just use you to protect me from the rain." I contest, nuzzling into his once again_.

_"You shoulda brought an umbrella,"_   _He teases me while nudging me off of his chest, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I love you."_

_"Love you more," I coo to him, standing on my tiptoes to place a kiss on his jawline_.  _}_

I shake my head, dispersing the fantasy that started in my head. I look over at Jeff, he's busy picking at a hangnail on his finger.

"Do you..." I begin, trying to catch his attention.

"Hm?" He doesn't even look up at me.

"Do you think Chris likes me back?"

Jeff stops picking at his fingers, but he still doesn't look up at me. His lips pursed as he dwells on the thought.

"Maybe," He sounds uncertain, "Maybe not."

" _Well, that was helpful,_ " I scoff, "Seriously, whaddya think are the odds that he'd like me back?"

"I dunno, Eddie," Jeff shrugs lazily, "He's a very cryptic guy. I barely know what his preference is anyways... But..."

"But what?"

"Maybe I'll ask around, see if he's got a teeny crush on ya."

"Don't straight up ask him if he likes me--"

"I'm not, idiot. I'll just see  _who_  he likes. "

 

**Time Skip**

 

"Do you think anyone else knows about the whole... Chris thing?" I asked Jeff as we near our rehearsal place, he simply shakes his head.

"Stone might, but I don't think it'll matter."

Oh fuck,  ** _Stone_**. He'll never let it down, he hasn't let down any embarrassing thing I've done since moving here. I scoff to myself, but I remain quiet for the rest of the walk. The rain starts to pick up, another rumble of thunder can be heard somewhere in the distance, I curse at myself for not bringing an umbrella or even a jacket. Luckily, it isn't long before we reach the makeshift studio, Jeff heads inside and I follow closely behind him. Mike is already inside, we passed by his stoner van while walking here.

"Hey," Mike lazily waves at us, "I was starting to think no one else would show up."

"Stone's being a lazy fuck again?" Jeff snickers while walking over to the corner where he had left his bass guitar last session.

"You know it," Mike says back, "He loves being fashionably late."

I don't say anything, I just take a seat next to Mike without drawing attention to myself. Mike does a little improv he had been working on before Jeff and I stepped into the studio, I wonder for a moment if he's cutting some pieces out of his new solo or if he's just completely dicking off on the guitar. Somewhere at the other side of the room, Jeff's amplifier hums as it powers on, it cracks and fizzes as he plugs in his shifty fretless that he adores.

Speaking of the devil, Stone immediately walks in. He smells like weed, he makes the room smell all  _earthy_. He doesn't greet anyone, he simply hooks up to the nearby amp and turns up his guitar. I watch as he plays an A chord to warm up. His fingers move towards the G chord figure, his guitar strings sound flat, like they're in desperate need of being changed. He looks up from his sunburst Gibson, eyes dart towards me.

"I was thinking about going out and heading over to the bar later tonight, Ed, if you wanna join."

My brow knits together; Is he really inviting  _me_? Stone doesn't wait for an answer, his attention drifts towards Jeff.

"You're obviously welcome too," He nods towards his friend.

"What about me?" Cready whines, Stone shoots a glare.

"If you bring the weed, then yeah, you can come too."

With a roll of his eyes, Stone goes back to fumbling around on his guitar, as Mike had been doing moments before he walked in. We're all just dicking off-- Jeff has started to learn the Seinfeld intro (which sounds godawful on his fretless; you can't even slap on a fretless.) and it irritates the shit out of Stone. I snicker at those two as they start to nitpick everything each other do, Mike is starting to add fuel to the fire as he brings up embarrassing things Stone had done in high school. The conversation dies down some, though we're all too immature to really start  _making_  any music.

"You guys think I'd look good blond?" Mike asks abruptly, running his fingers through his hair while he watches in the mirror.

Jeff flattens his lips, not wanting to really speak up on the matter. Stone gives him  _the_  look, the Stone look.

"You should do it," I speak up finally, "I mean, you only live once."

I watch as Mike continues to play with his hair, he twirls a handful of strands around his finger then lets them fall onto his shoulders. He gives an absent nod, turning to face me slightly.

"I think you're right," He crinkles his nose, "Buuuut I dig the long hair for now."

"As you should." Stone adds, "I couldn't see you with that short hair again."

"You know who'd look good with blond hair?" Mike asks in response, he's met with a chorus of 'hm's, "Chris Cornell."

Stone arches a brow, as do I. A vision of Chris with bleach blond hair fills my head and  _holy fuck_ , he looks cute-- No, no,  _sexy_  is a better word. A smirk spreads subtly on my lips at that thought, I blink my eyes hard as I come back into the reality  _without_ blond Chris and the first thing I see is Jeff staring daggers into me from across the room. I blush instinctively, knowing that Jeff knew that I had been thinking about Chris again.

"Chris Cornell is sexy," Stone says blankly, "You've gotta admit."

"He does have some curves," I jokingly add, "And that hair--"

"He's blessed with those looks. It's sinful, almost." Stone continues, still as vacuous as before.

"You guys are just gay--" Jeff adds teasingly.

"What's wrong with being gay?" Mike shoots a look towards Ament.

"Nothing-- It was a damn joke, Mike,  _chill_."

There's another rumble of sighs that come from all four of us. Our drummer had never shown up, so we all used it as an excuse for not making any more music. We're a bunch of lazy fucks, I think to myself, but at least we're happy.

"What time are we going to the bar?" I ask Stone.

"Like ten," He replies, "We'll go to Russells'."

 

**Time Skip**   
  
  


Jeff and I finally pull up to the bar, it's pretty busy for a Tuesday night. Stone waves us down from the more empty side of the bar, Mike is standing with them. Jeff and I walk over to greet them, they smell like straight liquor and weed. How typical, I think, it reminds me of my friends back in San Diego.

"Hey dudes," I nod towards the duo, "You guys already wasted?"

"Getting there," Mike replies, waving his shot in his hand, "Let's get you something to drink, yeah?"

I don't argue as Mike shoves a drink into my hand, it's a lukewarm Budlight that had probably been sitting out since these two first got to the bar. I crack the top and take a swig. I hate Budlights, but I can't complain since Mike had already paid for the drink. I make a mental note to see the bartender after this for a corona.

"Where's my beer?" Jeff asks.

"You're the designated driver." Stone replies in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What? I came here to drink, not sip water--"

"Too late," Stone cuts him off, "We designated you as the designated driver. Deal with it,  ** _Diction_** _._ "

Jeff huffs deeply, but he sticks around with us three. I take another sip of my beer as Jeff stretches against the bar. The crowd gets rowdy deeper into the bar, we hear a couple of "ooo"s and a few dudes are in there yelling. Maybe someone's getting into a fight? I wonder on the thought for a moment, maybe I could go in there and save whoever is getting their ass kicked. The yelling stops, just as suddenly as it had started. I blink hard, coming out of another of my daydreams. Jeff stumbled off somewhere, I turn my head frantically to search for him.

Of-fucking-course he's hitting on some girls.

She's a brunette, she came dressed in a skimpy outfit and Jeff is probably just looking for a nut. I roll my eyes, though he obviously can't see it. I face Mike and Stone again, they just started another drinking game. One of the bartenders handed them a few shots of their cheapest, dirtiest liquor. Mike downs a couple, as does Stone, but Cready ultimately backs out. I watch those clowns make faces at each other while Mike pats down his pockets for his last twenty dollars.

"Hey," An unfamiliar voice speaks to me, "Will you let me buy you a drink?"

I furrow my brow in response. My eyes follow the figure up until I see his face. He stands a few inches taller than me, and his face is... boney if anything. His cheekbones pop out, his eyes are sunken in some; He looks sickly, truthfully. His lips part in a smile, a few teeth are missing in there. I draw the conclusion that he must be a tweaker, Jeff said all the bad ones here look like skeletons.

"Yeah, sure," I speak in response, not really thinking this through.

"What's your poison?" He asks in response, his voice squeaks between the gaps in his teeth.

"I'll just take a corona."

Why did I even respond to him? I know he's either trying to get in my pants, or he's just fucking with me, but regardless... I now have a corona in my hands.

"You look lonely," He starts a conversation again, "Maybe I can keep you company?"

"Why not?" I flash a toothy grin towards. I didn't really have anything better to do, so I think it would be best to hang with this fuckboy for the time being. Lead him on and then dump him,  _why not_?

"My name's Steve,"  _Gross,_  "And you?"

"You can call me Ed." My tone leaks disinterest, I'm sure he'll catch on that I won't be his fuck for the night... Unless he's too stupid to pick up my cues.

"Ed?" He repeats, "How would Ed like to get in my...  _bed_?"

There's another squeak in his voice, he eyes me down as I stare at him blankly. First of all, do I  _look_  gay...? Second of all, does it look like I have  _that_  low of a standard? I quickly take a chug of my corona, trying to deter the conversation, but Steve steps closer to me. His head dips down, his lips are mere centimeters apart. Fuck, no, not this. I can smell the cigarette smoke on his breath, he's giving me an invitation to  _kiss_. Fuck, I'm too buzzed to even think straight anymore and my need for affection is getting the best of me. I suck in my breath before quickly putting my lips on his. Just a simple peck, then I push away from him.

"Such a tease," My admirer runs his tongue across his teeth... the ones he has left, at least.

He steps in again, my mind continues to fog with more I drink; I almost  _seriously_  considered using him for a quickie. Our lips are close again, but we don't touch.

" _Eddie?_ " Another voice speaks towards me, I turn to face the direction it is coming from, expecting it to be Jeff or maybe Mike.

But I'm wrong.

" _Chris?_ "

I blink hard, it really is Chris-fucking-Cornell. No,  ** _fuck_** \-- He probably saw me kiss this fucking dirtbag, I just ruined whatever chance I might've had with him. I push past Steve, walking towards Chris. He looks angry, hurt...  _Why_? He storms out of the bar, Jeff was standing behind him. Without wasting a moment, I chase after Chris. Steve tries to grab my hand, but I leave before he can.

 

**Chris' POV**

 

Jeff tells me Eddie has feelings for me, he tells me to come to the bar so Eddie and I can confess our feelings for each other. I didn't fucking think I'd catch him sucking cheek with some junkie. I'm leaving, I knew this was a fucking waste of time... but  _he_  catches up with me.

"Chris-- I-I'm sorry for being so abrasive to you the other day-- I--" His tone is shakey like it was the night we first met. He reaches his hand out to touch mine, I don't fight it-- I just fucking stare at him. I stare into those blue eyes, that's all I can bring myself to do. I study his eyes, my mind blurs everything around me except for _him_.

"Eddie," My tone is harsh, almost aloof sounding.

"W--What," His lip trembles as he utters his word breathlessly.

My mind blanks, I can't bring myself to say the words I want. I step towards him, my arms outstretch to pull him close, then I do it. I force my lips on his, making us kiss. His lips taste of cheap beer and cigarette smoke, oddly satisfying while also repulsive. Maybe love blinds me. I pull back almost instantly, feeling like I had just violated him for forcing that to happen... but he quickly stands on his tiptoes to peck my lips again.

"Eddie," Now my words are breathless, "Eddie... I-I think I love you--"

" _Think_  so? We just  ** _kissed_** \--"

"I know, I KNOW--"

"Chris," He speaks with confidence for once, "Chris I  ** _know_**  that I am in love with you."

I can't even formulate a response, I let my body do the talking-- Again I grab hold of him and put our lips together. His lips open to mine, our tongues  _fucking_  touch. Fuck, this has to be a dream-- either that or I'm so fucking shitfaced that I was able to pull this off. We pull away again, but we remain close, our lips barely grace each other.

It starts to rain, how  _great_. It's just a light drizzle, but I couldn't care. My mind is still in a trance from Eddie, as I'm sure he is but, well, with me. His lip touches mine again, but its more of an effortless peck that you'd give your superior other before heading to bed. I groan at the sudden lack of enthusiasm, but I count my blessing to be here with him, even if we're getting drenched in the rain.

Our little makeout session is suddenly cut short as Mike's van turns the corner and honks at us. Jeff is in the driver's seat, he leans over to turn the window crank.

"Eddie can you, like, hurry up with your PDA? Stone got shamed in front of the bar and I gotta drive him home and if you don't come now, you're gonna have to  ** _WALK_**  home." Jeff yells towards Eddie, visibly agitated.

"Give me just a second, Jeff--" He yells back towards Ament before giving me another quick peck. He turns towards the van.

"Wait," I grab his hand, "Can we-- Can we hang out tomorrow?"

He furrows his brow before giving a nod, a slight smirk creeps on his lips.

"I'd love to, Chris," He takes a step towards the van, "I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?"

I nod, but he doesn't see it. He climbs into the back of the van, where I get a quick glimpse of Cready shitfaced in the backseat. I grin at the image, but it disappears as I watch the van leave. I wonder if this was real; I had to be dreaming. The rain picks up in intensity as he leaves and I stand alone, cold and wet. A bar-goer walks out and approaches me.

"You get dumped too?" He motions towards me, "You look a little dumbfounded."

"No," I reply in a hushed tone, "I found my love tonight."


	6. Love Me Not

**Chris' POV**

 

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night, all I could think about was Eddie. I remember the soft touch of his lips, the smell of liquor on him and how he tasted of cigarette ash and smoke. I want to live in that moment forever... but it's gone. Now, I sit in my bed, thinking of last night, obviously pushing off more important things to do. I want to hear his voice, but I also don't want to seem like a drag, so I wait for him to call. I wonder if he's even awake yet. He's probably hungover and regretting all of last night.

God, I'm an idiot.

I'm an idiot to think he'd do any of that sober. I know it was the alcohol that made him do it. That's the  _only_  explanation. I huff loudly into the silence of my bedroom, my hands rub at my forehead as I feel an overwhelming feeling of shame wash over me. The alarm clock on top of my nightstand goes off, another groan leaves my throat as I throw my hand across the bed to turn it off. I fall back into the bed, too lazy to get up and start the day. Shiva, my black cat, jumps on the bed and rubs her chubby face against my cheek. Not being in the mood, I push her off of me and back towards the edge of the bed. She mewls before running back over to my face, her paws touch my nose. She's probably thinking 'Pet me, you depressed bitch,'. I comply with her demands and I scratch her chin, she purrs quietly at the affection. Suddenly, the telephone rings. I jolt up, thinking it's Eddie, I put the receiver to my ear.

"Eddie?" I ask on the telephone.

"Uh,  _ew_ , no," I recognize the voice, it's Kim, "What're you up to, Chris?"

"Did you seriously just call me to ask me that?" I ask in an exasperated tone, I roll my eyes behind the phone.

"Well, I kinda wanted to see if you wanted to hang out at my place? You've been brushing me off lately and--"

"Sure," I cut him off, "I can come over now if that's what you're wanting."

"Um-- Yeah, yeah, that'd be nice."

"'Kay, Kim, I'll see you soon."

I don't wait for him to respond before ending the call. I fall back into the bed, Shiva comes and buts her face against mine. A smile tugs at my lips, my fingers scratch at Shiva's dark fur as I procrastinate getting ready in favor of staying here and loving on her. She purrs, butting her head into my hand as I continue to pet her. Eventually, she hops off the bed and goes off to do her own thing. Unfortunately for me, that means I actually have to get out of bed.

I shuffle to my feet, carelessly leaving the covers in a mess. I make a mental note to make my bed later (though I know damn well I won't even make it, it'll just stay messy for god-knows how long). I walk over to the closet and throw on the nearest shirt; it's just a cargo jacket, I don't button it all the way, leaving a portion of my chest exposed. Next, I turn towards one of my dressers and fumble around for a pair of jeans.   
  
  


**Timeskip**

 

I arrive at Kim's apartment, he must be playing some records because I can hear the music all the way out in the hallway. Hopefully, the landlord doesn't chew his ass for it. My hand raises to knock on the door, but before I can even knock, his voice rings from inside.

"It's unlocked!"

I furrow my brow before turning the doorknob to his apartment. My eyes scan the room before finding Kim-- or rather his arse that's swaying in the air while he bends down to look through his record stash. He looks behind his shoulder and greets me with his I'd-rather-not-be-here face, he's such a trip. He stands straight, grabbing the waistband of his pants and pulling them up as he does.

"Glad you could make it," He flattens his lips, that's basically his form of a smile, "I was starting to think you'd bailed on me."

"Nah," I say bluntly, standing awkwardly in his entryway, "What're you doing?"

"I was trying to find my Led Zep record, but I think fucking Matt stole it--"

"Matt specifically?" I ask before finally moving towards him, I eye his collection of vinyl.

"Well... Not specifically, but I'm putting the blame on his rat-ass."

"Chill, dude," I crinkle my nose, "It probably wasn't him."

"Oh yeah? Who else would've done it--"

He stops abruptly and we both stare at each other, our lips purse in sync before we both simultaneously say:

" _Stone_."

I break into a laugh, but his expression remains frank and hard as if he honestly believes Stone had stolen his record. I roll my eyes, turning towards the cheap, beer-and-god-knows-what-else stained, beige couch.

"What was the point of this?" I ask Kim while plopping down on his couch.

"What do you mean? It's quality bro time." His brow knit together as he replies.

"Quality ' _bro_ ' time?"

"Yeah," He takes my hand and pulls me off the couch, "We've got places to be, Chris. You need brotherly  _love_."

What? What did he just say to me? Did fucking Jeff say something to him again? I make a mental note to beat his ass later. Regardless, I oblige and hop off the couch. He holds up his index finger, signaling for me to wait, then he runs off into his kitchen. He comes back a moment later with his car keys.

"C'mon," He motions with his hands to follow, and I do, "It's been forever since we had Kim and Chris time."

"Kim and Chris time--?"

"Yeah," We both step out of his apartment. He turns and locks the door quickly, he pulls hard on the key because the lock is rusty and old, so it tends to get jammed, "We're gonna hang."

"Did Jeff put you up to this?"

He stares at me with deep expression, as if he's telling me with his face 'what do you mean?'. I shrink into my clothes before peeping a soft 'nevermind'. We continue down the hallway until we reach the dingy staircase to the bottom. I follow him down and out of the apartment complex.

"So where  _are_  we going?" I peep from behind him, we're approaching his car about now.

"You'll see," He hits a button on his keys and the car makes a slight beeping sound, "Hop in loser."

I roll my eyes and shoot a middle finger towards Kim, but I open the passenger door and sit down. Kim puts the key in the ignition and starts it. I buckle myself up as he begins to pull out of the parking space. I click the radio on, the radio station is in the middle of playing O'Connor's  _Nothing Compares 2 U_. I crinkle my nose after realizing that Kim listens to today's hits rather than the  _rock_  station, but you've got to admit that the song  _is_  pretty good. The ride is quiet, neither Kim or I try and make small talk as we reach our secret "destination". He pulls into the parking lot of a...  _plant nursery?_   _What_? I look over at him, narrowing my eyes as I try to think of what he really wants with me.

"Get out, dumbass." He commands before leaving the vehicle. I follow suit, exiting the vehicle and following Kim inside the nursery.

"Uhh," I draw his attention back towards me, "What're we, uh, doing...  _here_?"

"Take a guess, idiot," He rolls his eyes before continuing inside the business, "Getting plants."

"Why?" I stubbornly try and pry the answer out of him.

"To... plant them?" He doesn't even turn to face me, he simply waves at the florist before leading the way to the seasonal flowers.

"I get that, dumbass," I hit him in the shoulder causing him to wince out in a dramatic way, "But why're you starting a garden?"

"Because flowers have healing powers,  _duh,_ " I watch as he dips down into a squat, he thumbs the leave of a snowdrop flower, its white petals covered in dew, "You think these are pretty?"

Lost for words, I see no other option than to give in and examine the winter-blooming flower. Overall, they seem to be in good shape, besides a couple of browning leaves near the base of the stem. My fingers grace by the petals, careful not to send the plant into shock. I wonder if plants know we're touching them? I retract my hand before turning my head back towards Kim, whose eyes are already trailing down the stretch of flowers.

"I think she's  _alright_ ," I shrug carelessly, "Maybe a Primrose would be better?"

He looks over his shoulder suddenly, the bushy brow ontop his head knits together.

"When did you become a florist?"

"Uhh ever since you brought me here," I snort, "The primrose looks better than the snowdrops, I mean  _look_  at that yellow."

Kim doesn't spare a glance, instead, he walks over to this orchid plant. It's not their season yet, so the plant looks, well,  _dead_.I quirk a brow as he continues to meander around the orchid and other houseplant section. The little signs in the pots tell of the colors, but you could only guess how they'd really look in person.

"I think we should get one of these," He picks the limpest of the section, "We can be plant parents; watch her grow during the spring--"

"Maybe we should get one  _during_ spring," I contest, "It's like Russian roulette here, Kim, you don't know what she looks like--"

"Yeah but I'd love her anyways--"

I huff audibly, we sound like  _parents_. How gross is that? He makes a smug look in my general direction before wrapping both of his arms against the planter carrying the orchid. With a roll of my eyes, I follow him to the check out area.

"What're we gonna name her?" He inquires.

"Her? Do plants have genders?"

"Well, we can settle on something neutral then," Another cocky, yet content, smile pulls at his lips, "How about Frankie?"

"I dunno, maybe something like," Something suddenly draws my attention, "Like, um..."

I completely trail off, heading towards what had caught my eye. Kim calls out my name as I leave him for a moment. There's a pedestal of...  _roses_. They're not even in season, how did they even get these? Kim walks behind me, his hand touches my shoulder.

"Get it," He whispers, "For Eddie."

My eyes open wide, I push him off me. How does he even  _know_? I shoot a scowl at him, angry that my little crush has already gotten out. Fucking  _Jeff._

"Ew," I try and make it seem like I don't have the feels for him, "I don't--"

"Shut up, everyone saw you two kissing," He rolls his eyes, "Just get it. It's like, uh, a  _sign_ , dude."

I outstretch a hand to grab the rose, careful of the thorns that dot its stem. It's exuberant in color despite having been cut from its roots. One of the florists tiptoes over to us, I watch her from the corner of my eyes as she approaches, obviously curious about us since we haven't bought anything yet.

"Those were just imported from San Diego," She has a bit of a stutter when she talks, "They're very beautiful for b-bloomin' in winter."

"How much?" I mutter barely above a whisper, "How much for one?"

"Well, uh, they're going to be up in price since they's imported," She stumbles on her words, "Ten dollars, seventy-three for the dozen, though."

She watches me with a careful look, I pick a single rose from the bunch. She simpers, visibly pleased that we are now ready to check-out. Knowing our intents, she leads us towards the cash register. Kim puts his hibernating orchid on the counter, I wonder what color the flowers will be; a harlequin or a pure white, hell maybe it'll even be a purple or pink.

"Is that all for you two today?" She asks with a smile, I nod, "Okay, then yer total is thirty-five dollars and twenty-nine cents."

Kim pulls out two twenty dollar bills, one is creased and crumbled along the middle. He hands them to the woman, she checks the bills before opening the register.

"Would you like yer change?"

"No thanks," Kim replies firmly before picking up Frankie, our new orchid, from the counter.   
  
  


**Timeskip**   
  
  


"Are you going to help me plant Frankie or not?" Kim asks with a hint of anger in his tone.

"I never signed up to do this--"

"Um, yes you did when you picked up that rose that  _I_  bought for your little boyfriend--"

"He's not my boyfriend--"

" _Yet,_ " He looks up from the planter, Frankie waits in the plastic container that they give you before you plant the flower at home, "I think you'll win him over with the rose... but you can't go see him till you help me out here."

I groan, setting down my flower on the coffee table before dragging my feet towards the window that Kim is thinking of putting Frankie by. I lower down into a squat, eyes fixating on the empty flower pot. Kim turns to me, shoving a pair of garden scissors into my hands.

"Go cut her free while I fix the pot," He adds, "Hurry, doofus."

"I'm pretty sure you could've done this by yourself while I went to see Eddie." I hiss.

"Excuse me?" He whips his head back in my direction, "Shut up, okay? We're committed plant parents now. Frankie will  _not_  have a dead beat dad."

"Okay, okay, sheesh," I roll my eyes playfully, reaching over Kim's lap to grab the non-flowering plant, "She's gonna kill herself once she gets to know us."

"No, she will not," Kim packs in some potting mixture, leaving a gap for Frankie, "Just put her in already."

I cut the plastic straight through, dirt crumbles and falls onto Kim's hardwood floor as I dig the orchid out of its... shell? prison? I wonder if it realizes that it's confined to just this small pot instead of being able to grow free in the wilderness. I shake my head, finally tearing Frankie out of the plastic. More dirt falls to the ground, but I pay it no mind as I carefully plant her in the potting soil. Kim covers the top layer with more potting soil, firmly packing her in place.

"Can I leave now?" I ask with a huff.

"I guess," He shrugs, "If you see Stone, tell him to give me back my records."

"Whatever, Kim," I say with a roll of my eyes, "I'll see you later."  
  
  


**Timeskip**   
  
  


A shaky breath escapes my throat as I knock on Jeff's apartment door. One side of my brain wishes they weren't home, though the other side wants to get this weight off my chest; to rightfully confess my love to Vedder. I hear the shuffling of feet from inside, this apartment complex has paper-fucking-thin walls. The lock unlatches and the doorknob twists as the person behind it opens the door. I'm greeted by a man, half dressed, who smells strongly of pot.

"Hello?" Jeff asks sleepily, rubbing at his eyes before blinking hard, "Chris?"

"Uh," I twirl the rose subconsciously in my hand, Jeff continues to blink hard as his weary eyes take in my appearance. I actually had the decency to wear something _nice_  for once, "Is Eddie here?"

He doesn't verbally say anything, only giving a nod before heading back inside. He shuts the door behind him, leaving me standing here in the hallway by myself. This was stupid, I'm already second guessing if I should really come forward with my feelings. It's too late now though, the door's hinges creak as Eddie opens the front door.

"Hey," His deep voice is comforting but still elicits a feeling of anxiety in me, "Um-- You're dressed up, huh?"

He half-jokes, quite stunned by the clean clothes I'm wearing. Nonetheless, a courteous smile embeds itself on his lips, those ocean blue eyes staring up at me.

"Well, yeah-- uh," My teeth chatter together from fear, "I wanted to see if you, uh, remembered anything from last night?"

That innocent smile turns devilish, flashing those wine-stained teeth of his for a hint of a second.

"Of course I remember."

I exhale audibly, letting my eyelids crash together. I get lost in myself, hearing my heart's loud thump coming from my chest.

"Eddie," My hand extends to offer him the rose, "Eddie, I think I love you."

"You told me that last night, silly," He softly takes the rose from my hand, bringing the aphrodisiac's petals to his nose to smell the aroma, "Why don't... Why don't you come inside?"

I nod wordlessly, he puts his back on the door to let me inside, gesturing over to the couch where Jeff is half passed out on. He gets up abruptly, sleepily mumbling about 'giving us space,' I snort at his stupid ass. Eddie, without warning, takes my hand in his and leads me to the couch. I look down at our fingers, noticing the dirt still underneath my fingernails. I hope he doesn't notice ho dirty I am. We sit together, fingers still interlocked.

"I was starting to wonder if you were just drunk off your ass when you said those things," He admits with a chuckle, "But what I said was the truth."

"Same here," Fuck, this is awkward, "I thought you weren't sober enough to think straight and I went home to beat myself up for it--"

"Shh," He hushes me before I go on a self-deprecating rant, "You look nice in those clothes, though I kinda prefer you in those unwashed band tees."

"Oh, uh," I look down at my clean white shirt, "I thought impressions mattered and... yeah..."

"You're cute," He coos, lifting his head to be closer to mine. Our lips are close again, just like they had been late last night. I can smell the pungent cigarette smoke along with the faintest hint of his cologne that had worn off from the day, "I wanna kiss you--"

"Then do it--"

He reaches forward and touches his lips on mine, I taste the cocoa butter from what I'm guessing was his chapstick on his lips. My eyes close instinctively as his tongue dances with my own. I want nothing more than to stop time and live in this moment, to feel the gentleness of this man before me for an eternity. He pulls away slowly, those soft lips part as a satisfactory smile comes into view. He pushes his tongue just slightly between his teeth, he squeezes my hand slightly as he looks up at me. I just stare, not knowing really what to do. I realize my affinity for him at that moment, how natural my feelings are. I lower my head slightly before reaching in for another kiss. He indulges me, his soft lips touch my chapped lips, though this kiss is brief compared to our first. I make a noise, a small whimper, as he retracts again.

"I love you," He forces out in an out-of-breath tone, a deep inhale of air follows as he sinks into his seat. Again, he lifts the rose to his nose, "Where did you find a rose in the middle of December?"

"It's a long story," I shrug softly, "I think the universe brought it to me, to give it to you."

"Hm," He spins the flower in his hand, "Maybe the universe wants us to be together."

"Well, duh, that's what I was implying," My cheeks dimple, as does his, a giggle leaves his throat in response to my stupid comment, "So..."

His eyes leave the rose and look up at me again, I nearly freeze in place as another shock of anxiety hits me. The thud in my chest grows, filling my ears. You have to do this now, Chris. His brow quirks at my sudden silence, he opens his mouth to say something but I instead impulsively blurt out my question.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

His mouth hangs open, a blush creeps its way onto those plump cheeks. My lip trembles as he stares blankly at me, I wonder if I just embarrassed myself.

"Uh--"

To make matters worse, Jeff walks in half-naked. He looks irritated, a scowl imprinted on his features.

"I swear to god, Eddie,  _just say yes already,_ " He shakes his head annoyingly before coming to sit on the couch, "Like, fuck, hurry it up, lovebirds, I've got a game to watch soon."

We both take our eyes off Jeff, we turn to face each other. His blush deepens as nervous grin slips on his lips, he bites at the corner of his lips.

"I will be your boyfriend."

"You aren't just saying that because Jeff is here, are you?"

"No, no," He shakes his head, "No, Chris, I just said that I loved you."

"I know but--"

"But nothing," He shushes me by bringing his free hand up and placing it on my cheek, his thumb traces against the lower part of my lip.

Love is a strong word, strong enough to heal the most broken of hearts. Mother always told me never to say 'I love you' unless you truly meant it, the word is strong enough to abuse you, to fill you with a false sense of happiness before it gets thrown away within a few months. Love is strong, brutal, almost, but beautiful nonetheless. I wonder if that's why we use a rose to symbolize love; its petals are the most beautiful and gentle, a brilliant reward for the labors of caring for the plant, though it's thorns will prick whoever acts so carelessly with it.

"Chris?" I'm drawn out of my little daydream as Eddie's voice rings in my ears. His fingers linger on my cheeks, I lean my head into his touch, "Do you really mean it when you said you loved me?"

My mind replays the argument I just had in my head.  _Do_ I really mean it? Is this  _real_ love or is my brain tricking me into believing this is? I exhale deeply, finally making up my mind.

"I do," I coo in response, leaning forward to kiss his forehead, "I do mean it."

"Good," He carefully lets the Rose fall on his lap, he brings his other hand up to hold my face, "I mean it too."

"Good." I repeat, smiling contently. His hands drag my head down closer to his, he thumbs circle into my cheek before putting a kiss on the tip of my nose.

"Hey, Earth to  _lovebirds_ ," Jeff waves his hand to catch out attention, "You guys almost done making out in my living room?"

"We weren't making out," Eddie looks over at Jeff, we both burst out in a fit of giggles, "We only touched lips twice."

"Ew," Jeff rolls his eyes playfully, "But seriously, I've got things to do and I don't wanna hear you guys sucking cheek the whole damn time."

"Fiiiine, Fine," Eddie sighs verbally, quickly he turns to place one last peck against my lips, "Love you, Chris."

"Love you, too," I reply back, I curl my fingers around his wrists to remove his hands from my face, "Before I go..."

"Hm?" Eddie quirks a brow.

"You wanna, maybe... go get dinner tomorrow? It's my treat," I smile awkwardly, the moments after the fluff always is awkward, "Or we can hang out at my place—"

"I'd love to," He smiles up at me, "Or— Or we could go down to the beach again?"

"It's supposed to be even colder tomorrow," Jeff intrudes in our conversation again, "We could go out to the woods and do a bonfire."

"Ooo," Eddie hasn't been to one of our bonfires yet, he doesn't even know what he's missing out, "That might be a good idea."

"We could invite Stone and Mike," Eddie joins in, "Smoke one out in honor of Chris and I."

"What can I say, boys, I do have some pretty good ideas."

Jeff smiles cockily at me as I stand from the couch, all I do in response is shoot him a middle finger. They both say their goodbyes to me before I walk out their front door, I hear Jeff lock the door behind me, then those two start talking to each other after I leave. I huff, holding my head in my hands as I walk towards the elevator. I hope I won't come to regret this, I hope I really do love him.


End file.
